Warning: May Contain Nuts - v2.0

Walk down the right back alley in Sin City, and you can find anything...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

You, yeah... you you fucking cunt faced retarded stalker ass piece of shit. You look at me like im a nice girl, like i'm gonna say something nice. But i'm not, i think youre a cunt. Bollocks to you.

You know who i'm talking to. Bitch beast from hell. My so called 'Stable yard manager'. I wouldnt piss in your mouth if your fucking teeth were on fire. Call yourself a friend? call yourself a nice lady? Fuck off. What kind of nice lady makes her best friend and lodger homeless so she has to kip on my floor, then makes both our horses homeless.

You know what, you fat fucking cuntfaced whore? you can stick it up your ass and fuck off while youre doing it because at the rate you go youre not gonna have a fucking friend left. And now my mates gone from your stinking fucking sty of a house (it stinks of cat piss bitch sort it out) I hope you lose your fucking house because we all know youre up shit creek with your mortgage you stinking, vile, oaf of a cunt.

You know why no man will go out with you? you know why youre nearly 40 and still fucking single? its because youre a fucking nutcase. Its because you stalk your exes. No wonder your husband left you you fucking stink of fish because you never fucking wash. Airs and graces? former rich bitch reduced to a council estate. Fuck you, you have no fucking right to take the high ground because look where you fucking are. neglecting your sick mother so you can go out on the piss.

Fucking rot in hell. And the day we move our horses, watch your fucking back.

Funny thing is, you think im on your side, you think im gonna stay friends with you. HA, bitch. Friends close and enemies closer.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

You say you're my hero
You say you're my hope
You say I'm your princess,
your empress, your dope
I say I am worried
I say you might lie
and if you don't trust me
there's no where to fly
Why don't you believe me?
Why don't you give up?
Why won't you relieve me?
Why don't you just stop?
I won't give you anger
I won't give you fear
I'll just think of somewhere
different from here

Why don't you fly with me?

Let me convince you
our lives are not lost
our souls are not corpses
just biting the dust
I walk in the sunlight
your shadow resists
My shape wants to follow
and tries to kiss
If I am your princess
then where is my crown?
I should feel protected
but I still feel alone
I won't give you anger
I won't give you fear
I'll just think of somewhere
different from here

Why don't you fly with me

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Well, summer is well and truly here. Only without all the sunshine that goes with it, oh what it is to live in England. But in this country it isnt the arrival of hotter days and hayfever that signals the arrival of the summer. No, in england it is the arrival of that little TV show.

Big Brother.


When this show first started all those years ago there was nothing else like it on british TV and while bizarre it was actually quite watchable. But then they made the mistake of deciding it was enough of a hit to make another series. And another, and another, and another. It got tired, fast. And with the arrival of all the other bloody reality TV shows Big Brother is just yet another in a long line of cheap to make, crap to watch bollocks on TV right now.

However this year I have no choice but to watch it because this year its finally-fucking-happened. Yep, this year a friend of mine is in the fucking house.


But heres where things get really sad because this year instead of humans in the house we have a collection of various parasites, pigs, moulds, losers and total fucknuts. Yep, even my mate is behaving like a twat. I'm ashamed.
I'm not sure i've ever seen such a selection of grossly ignorant wankers massed together in a room before, its like a who's who of scraping the bottom of the barrel. A veritable picture show of examples of who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Where did they find these people? (I'll let you guess which one is my friend)

We've got Derek, the only black master of hounds in the country. Hes 40. You'd think with his age and his wealth and social status behind him he'd actually be a standup kinda human being. But no, he stamps his feet, he flaps, he whinges, he bitches, hes a complete and total git.

Sam, a more vapid little troll has never been placed into the big brother house. She's the kind of girl youd like to throw sticks at. She marched into the house thinking she was 'all that' and then some, but then came to the realisation that she isnt going to be the only female in the house. Thats where her game plan faultered. Now she spends all day in a bikini and high heels trying to grab the mens attention. Great, I can see your headline now. "Slapper gets a slapping upon leaving Big Brother".

Lesley. I didnt know they still allowed people like this to live. Shes the very example of all that is wrong with humanity. If I was her mother after i'd squeezed her out i'd have handed her back and taken home the afterbirth. It would certainly have had more charm.

Kamal. Oh dear... which planet did they find him on? and when can they get him a ticket back? they cannot be serious.

Craig, the bubbly little hairdresser that started out okay but ended up falling in with the bitch crowd and now spends his days crying like a total tit and bitching about fuck all.

Maxwell, hes a it of a geezer, bit of a jack the lad. Hes actually the most likeable of the house and all that means is hes the one you would leave till last when the time came to put them up against the wall for a damned good shooting.

Saskia. Oh christ. If there was ever a girl that needs bringing back down to earth with the kind of thump only a WW wrestler could deliver, its her. She reckons shes a talented actress. I reckon she should play in the road and die.

Makosi. The african princess. Whine whine me me me me me me me me me. Fuck off.

Roberto, the 'Italian Stallion'. HAHAHAHAHA! Not only does he sport a face akin to a blacksmiths bench, he has all the charisma and likeability of a Camilla Parker Bowels stamp collection.

Vanessa. The rich bitch in pink. Get back to the gutter you vile little cunt.

Science. The man who thinks he is already a cultural Icon and voice of the people. Oh please, if you reckon you represent the people then fuck me sideways england is more up shit creek than I thought.

And Anthony.... he just sits there looking pretty, oozing the kind of cuntishness you'd like to beat out of him with a heavy stick.

And that is our bunch of no hopers. What a fucking catch. What a fucking show.

I'll never forgive my friend for entering, i'll never forgive their behaviour. The only thing that can save this show now is if they pump gas into the house and lock all the doors. That'd be worth watching.

"In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again." -- Snatch

Thursday, June 09, 2005

So this is the new brilliant idea from the wonder that is the UK's politicians. As if banning everything in sight for fear of causing offence and charging people to drive in london wasnt bad enough.
For some reason Mr Blair and friends have a real bee in their bonnets about people driving. Its almost like they're positive they can make more money out of motorists somehow, they just cant figure out how. So they while away their nights, wanking each other off and talking dirty.
Of course dirty talk when it comes to these airheads consists mainly of "Right, how can we screw the public even harder... oh harder... oh yes lets make it harder... oh oh TONY!"

I'll let that little vision settle into your head for a moment.

Finished with the vomit bag? good. Then I'll continue.
So, how do we make even more money off of the long suffering road user? well we've already hiked up petrol prices and road tax so high everyone has had to sell their souls to Satan just to afford it. But no there must be a way because those shiny happy bastards sitting in their cars doing nothing must PAY. How dare they sit there and not being paying for something in all those traffic jams?!


Tony Blair just came in his pants.

Ladies and gents I give you the Road Users Charge.

This is just fucking hysterical. The new way to make money out of road users is thus. For every single mile you travel you will have to pay £1.34. They will drop petrol prices by a couple of pennies because thats only fair, but coming soon, every mile you travel in your car you will pay for. Theres talk that they may well drop road tax (ha, what are the chances) but still the sums do not add up. Your average road tax is around £100 a year. But this new charge does not represent a saving of any kind to dear old Joe Public. Not even slightly.

An average day in my household consists of a five mile drive to nearby Harpenden took take care of my aged Grandmother. Then its a five mile drive back. Then a six mile drive to the stable yard where I keep my horse. And of course a six mile drive back. Then its a two mile drive to pick up my little sister (shes 10, im sorry, i'm not making her walk those two miles in this day and age, not fucking likely) and a two mile drive back. Then its the ten mile drive to grandmas and back again in the evening.

In one single day my family now owes £48.24. This day isnt even including the hike to the shops or unexpected trips out. And to be fair our journeys are short so what of the poor commuter? Anyway before I get to him, lets just find out what my family will now be paying per year to use the roads.

Oh look. £17606.60

Thats more than the average persons yearly INCOME.

Now say it with me... "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH MR BLAIR"

Now you can argue a quite valid point that perhaps this is a deterrant to get people off the roads. After all who is going to want to pay that? And also issues of pollution and the amount spent on repairing britains roads every year. But i'm afraid this argument becomes incredibly invalid once you scratch beneath the surface.

Okay for some not using a car at all would be fine and dandy, just take some getting used to is all.

But what about a family like mine?

We have a disabled grandmother that we take soul care of and while five miles is actually walkable, when you consider the trip there and back twice a day because if we didnt she'd die in her own shit and piss, and when you consider all the other things that need to be done in a single day to keep this family ticking, its no longer fair to tell us to get off the roads.
I need to get to my horse every day, thats six miles there and six miles back. Okay its walkable. But the problem for me there is nothing is kept at our yard. I'd be walking it holding onto a heavy saddle, bridle, rugs, brooms, pitchforks and a heap of other gumpf needed.

Yeah, okay. If I was superwoman i'd do it.

But i'm not, so bollocks.

Then lets take a look at all the people that have to commute vast distances to their jobs. And i'm not just talking the quick train ride into london. I'm talking those that live one side of the country, commute down to the other side of the country at the beginning of the week and then home at the end of it. I know a fair few people that do that. They'll be paying a thousand pounds for one single drive. Thats fucking absurd.

What about people with disabilities that need cars to get anywhere at all?

Its alright for you Mr Blair and friends, you never fucking leave your houses unless under escort to something 'really important'. I suppose all you people are thinking about is the fuckload of money that will be lining your collective pockets when this charge kicks in. Ha, summer homes in every country on the planet, right guys?

Is it any wonder nobody knew who to vote for in this election? youre all the fucking same and you dont have a fucking clue what the british public actually NEEDS. All you know is how to make money off of a country that has none unless youre a footballer or a footballers wife.

If this charge goes through, all that will happen is a fucking uprising. And pray tell how are you going to keep tabs on every mile someone drives? Are we all going to be fitted tracking devices and billed accordingly? how the fuck do expect to do it?

I really thought Hitlers days were dead and gone but it would seem he has found a new host in beloved Mr Blair. You fucking shitsack.

Stick it up your ass and fuck off while youre doing it, okay, Mr Blair? if you can get Gordon Brows dick out of your mouth fucking long enough.

"You think I'm a thief? You see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a STINKING SODA. You're the thief. I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer." -- Falling Down
Well, this is the new look. You might guess i'm a bit of a fan of Sin City. I was going to go with images from the comic but oddly, theyre few and far between on the net so I settled on pics from the movie. Its not fully tweaked yet but it'll get there. Also cant decide if it looks too busy or not but hey, I never was very good at decisions.

Feel free to comment on how it looks, i'm not sure what its like on other browsers (looks fine on my IE) it could look like utter crap in which case theres even more tweaking to be done. Gulp.

Anyway, there it is. And for anyone interested or not in the loop the characters top to bottom on the right are Marv, Becki and Goldie. And on the left Nancy, Gail and Miho. This movie is a must see so get thee to a cinema at once!

"Warm up? We may as well sit round this cigarette. This is ridiculous. We'll be found dead in here next spring." -- Withnail and I