Well, summer is well and truly here. Only without all the sunshine that goes with it, oh what it is to live in England. But in this country it isnt the arrival of hotter days and hayfever that signals the arrival of the summer. No, in england it is the arrival of that little TV show.

Big Brother.

Ugh.

When this show first started all those years ago there was nothing else like it on british TV and while bizarre it was actually quite watchable. But then they made the mistake of deciding it was enough of a hit to make another series. And another, and another, and another. It got tired, fast. And with the arrival of all the other bloody reality TV shows Big Brother is just yet another in a long line of cheap to make, crap to watch bollocks on TV right now.

However this year I have no choice but to watch it because this year its finally-fucking-happened. Yep, this year a friend of mine is in the fucking house.

Brilliant.

But heres where things get really sad because this year instead of humans in the house we have a collection of various parasites, pigs, moulds, losers and total fucknuts. Yep, even my mate is behaving like a twat. I'm ashamed.
I'm not sure i've ever seen such a selection of grossly ignorant wankers massed together in a room before, its like a who's who of scraping the bottom of the barrel. A veritable picture show of examples of who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Where did they find these people? (I'll let you guess which one is my friend)

We've got Derek, the only black master of hounds in the country. Hes 40. You'd think with his age and his wealth and social status behind him he'd actually be a standup kinda human being. But no, he stamps his feet, he flaps, he whinges, he bitches, hes a complete and total git.

Sam, a more vapid little troll has never been placed into the big brother house. She's the kind of girl youd like to throw sticks at. She marched into the house thinking she was 'all that' and then some, but then came to the realisation that she isnt going to be the only female in the house. Thats where her game plan faultered. Now she spends all day in a bikini and high heels trying to grab the mens attention. Great, I can see your headline now. "Slapper gets a slapping upon leaving Big Brother".

Lesley. I didnt know they still allowed people like this to live. Shes the very example of all that is wrong with humanity. If I was her mother after i'd squeezed her out i'd have handed her back and taken home the afterbirth. It would certainly have had more charm.

Kamal. Oh dear... which planet did they find him on? and when can they get him a ticket back? they cannot be serious.

Craig, the bubbly little hairdresser that started out okay but ended up falling in with the bitch crowd and now spends his days crying like a total tit and bitching about fuck all.

Maxwell, hes a it of a geezer, bit of a jack the lad. Hes actually the most likeable of the house and all that means is hes the one you would leave till last when the time came to put them up against the wall for a damned good shooting.

Saskia. Oh christ. If there was ever a girl that needs bringing back down to earth with the kind of thump only a WW wrestler could deliver, its her. She reckons shes a talented actress. I reckon she should play in the road and die.

Makosi. The african princess. Whine whine me me me me me me me me me. Fuck off.

Roberto, the 'Italian Stallion'. HAHAHAHAHA! Not only does he sport a face akin to a blacksmiths bench, he has all the charisma and likeability of a Camilla Parker Bowels stamp collection.

Vanessa. The rich bitch in pink. Get back to the gutter you vile little cunt.

Science. The man who thinks he is already a cultural Icon and voice of the people. Oh please, if you reckon you represent the people then fuck me sideways england is more up shit creek than I thought.

And Anthony.... he just sits there looking pretty, oozing the kind of cuntishness you'd like to beat out of him with a heavy stick.


And that is our bunch of no hopers. What a fucking catch. What a fucking show.

I'll never forgive my friend for entering, i'll never forgive their behaviour. The only thing that can save this show now is if they pump gas into the house and lock all the doors. That'd be worth watching.




"In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again." -- Snatch

So this is the new brilliant idea from the wonder that is the UK's politicians. As if banning everything in sight for fear of causing offence and charging people to drive in london wasnt bad enough.
For some reason Mr Blair and friends have a real bee in their bonnets about people driving. Its almost like they're positive they can make more money out of motorists somehow, they just cant figure out how. So they while away their nights, wanking each other off and talking dirty.
Of course dirty talk when it comes to these airheads consists mainly of "Right, how can we screw the public even harder... oh harder... oh yes lets make it harder... oh oh TONY!"

I'll let that little vision settle into your head for a moment.

Finished with the vomit bag? good. Then I'll continue.
So, how do we make even more money off of the long suffering road user? well we've already hiked up petrol prices and road tax so high everyone has had to sell their souls to Satan just to afford it. But no there must be a way because those shiny happy bastards sitting in their cars doing nothing must PAY. How dare they sit there and not being paying for something in all those traffic jams?!

AH HA!

Tony Blair just came in his pants.

Ladies and gents I give you the Road Users Charge.

This is just fucking hysterical. The new way to make money out of road users is thus. For every single mile you travel you will have to pay £1.34. They will drop petrol prices by a couple of pennies because thats only fair, but coming soon, every mile you travel in your car you will pay for. Theres talk that they may well drop road tax (ha, what are the chances) but still the sums do not add up. Your average road tax is around £100 a year. But this new charge does not represent a saving of any kind to dear old Joe Public. Not even slightly.

An average day in my household consists of a five mile drive to nearby Harpenden took take care of my aged Grandmother. Then its a five mile drive back. Then a six mile drive to the stable yard where I keep my horse. And of course a six mile drive back. Then its a two mile drive to pick up my little sister (shes 10, im sorry, i'm not making her walk those two miles in this day and age, not fucking likely) and a two mile drive back. Then its the ten mile drive to grandmas and back again in the evening.

In one single day my family now owes £48.24. This day isnt even including the hike to the shops or unexpected trips out. And to be fair our journeys are short so what of the poor commuter? Anyway before I get to him, lets just find out what my family will now be paying per year to use the roads.

Oh look. £17606.60

Thats more than the average persons yearly INCOME.

Now say it with me... "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH MR BLAIR"

Now you can argue a quite valid point that perhaps this is a deterrant to get people off the roads. After all who is going to want to pay that? And also issues of pollution and the amount spent on repairing britains roads every year. But i'm afraid this argument becomes incredibly invalid once you scratch beneath the surface.

Okay for some not using a car at all would be fine and dandy, just take some getting used to is all.

But what about a family like mine?

We have a disabled grandmother that we take soul care of and while five miles is actually walkable, when you consider the trip there and back twice a day because if we didnt she'd die in her own shit and piss, and when you consider all the other things that need to be done in a single day to keep this family ticking, its no longer fair to tell us to get off the roads.
I need to get to my horse every day, thats six miles there and six miles back. Okay its walkable. But the problem for me there is nothing is kept at our yard. I'd be walking it holding onto a heavy saddle, bridle, rugs, brooms, pitchforks and a heap of other gumpf needed.

Yeah, okay. If I was superwoman i'd do it.

But i'm not, so bollocks.

Then lets take a look at all the people that have to commute vast distances to their jobs. And i'm not just talking the quick train ride into london. I'm talking those that live one side of the country, commute down to the other side of the country at the beginning of the week and then home at the end of it. I know a fair few people that do that. They'll be paying a thousand pounds for one single drive. Thats fucking absurd.

What about people with disabilities that need cars to get anywhere at all?

Its alright for you Mr Blair and friends, you never fucking leave your houses unless under escort to something 'really important'. I suppose all you people are thinking about is the fuckload of money that will be lining your collective pockets when this charge kicks in. Ha, summer homes in every country on the planet, right guys?

Is it any wonder nobody knew who to vote for in this election? youre all the fucking same and you dont have a fucking clue what the british public actually NEEDS. All you know is how to make money off of a country that has none unless youre a footballer or a footballers wife.

If this charge goes through, all that will happen is a fucking uprising. And pray tell how are you going to keep tabs on every mile someone drives? Are we all going to be fitted tracking devices and billed accordingly? how the fuck do expect to do it?

I really thought Hitlers days were dead and gone but it would seem he has found a new host in beloved Mr Blair. You fucking shitsack.

Stick it up your ass and fuck off while youre doing it, okay, Mr Blair? if you can get Gordon Brows dick out of your mouth fucking long enough.




"You think I'm a thief? You see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a STINKING SODA. You're the thief. I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer." -- Falling Down

Well, this is the new look. You might guess i'm a bit of a fan of Sin City. I was going to go with images from the comic but oddly, theyre few and far between on the net so I settled on pics from the movie. Its not fully tweaked yet but it'll get there. Also cant decide if it looks too busy or not but hey, I never was very good at decisions.

Feel free to comment on how it looks, i'm not sure what its like on other browsers (looks fine on my IE) it could look like utter crap in which case theres even more tweaking to be done. Gulp.

Anyway, there it is. And for anyone interested or not in the loop the characters top to bottom on the right are Marv, Becki and Goldie. And on the left Nancy, Gail and Miho. This movie is a must see so get thee to a cinema at once!




"Warm up? We may as well sit round this cigarette. This is ridiculous. We'll be found dead in here next spring." -- Withnail and I

"Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't. " -- Fight Club

Its very disappointing when something doesnt live up to the hype, and because of this I often make a point of not listening to the hype surrounding most things. But when I heard 'Feel Good Inc' by the Gorillaz I thought the tune was so fucking cool the album just had to be good, and of course there was the hype. People raving about how amazing this album is.

Take it from me, it isnt. In fact its pretty naff. You listen to the first few tracks trying to get into it because, y'know, theyre trying to be clever with their music and clever has got to be cool right? wrong. Every song sounds like its a mish mash of a billion other songs with Damon Albarn moaning over the top. This gets tired very quickly.
The only reason to get this album would be if you had no other way to get just 'Feel Good Inc', as its the standout track and also the only decent one.

Shame.

However to counterbalance this let down of an album, there is something that has recently lived up to the hype. And that would be the adaptation of Frank Millers comics, "Sin City". What a fucking amazing movie. It is an orgasm in cinema, literally I had to bite on my hand it was that damned good.

Absolutely bloody breathtaking.

Not for everybody i'm sure, but I would like to make a note on the 'violent' content of the film. And that would be for all those complaining about it, grow a backbone. I've seen far more violence in my sink.

Okay so theres a lot of it but what there is is so ... well... comic-bookish that its hardly something to cringe over. Its comical if anything. And as for all the people bleeting over the 'violence towards women' issue, oh please. Open your eyes. Theres exactly TWO scenes with any kind of violence toward women and both of those scenes you see exactly NOTHING. Just the faces of the women as reaction to whats happening.

Meanwhile the men, ha, the men are getting beaten up shot at thrown around, getting eaten, clawed apart, blown up, axed to death... my god if anything it should be the men in uproar over the violence toward men.

So I declare those two gripes about this movie null and void. Just the gripes of those that HAVE to complain about everything.

Are the women 'objectified'?... sure. If you dont like that dont see the movie. You are entering the world of Sin City, nothing about this place is PC, not a damned thing. We've got cops raping women, priests hiring hookers, a priest covering for a serial killer, a priest that enjoys eating people.... whats PC about that? and really if your only gripe is about women in thongs strutting around and actually empowered (they own the streets) then you need mental help if thats all that bothers you about the movie.

I know theres people that wont like it, and thats fair enough comicbook movies arent for everybody. And it is intense, and sometimes hard to watch. So I can thoroughly understand people not liking it. However it is exactly my kind of movie and also, if you are any kind of movie lover it should be seen purely for the visuals. The way this movie is done is awe inspiring and it looks absolutely magnificent. This is never before done stuff guys, so if you love movies, violence or no, see it anyway. Its a masterclass in visual effects.

So what did I think?

Well, i loved it. Adored it. They got Marv so spot on it was like he was ripped from the pages, big time props to Mickey Rourke. His story was gripping.
And Elijah Wood?! Egads... he wanted to break his squeaky clean image? congrats boyo i'll never see you in the same light ever again. Shiver.

Bruce was the very soul of Hartigan, nailed it. My favorite of his performances. Jessica as Nancy worked a treat. I was a little disppointed that their story didnt seem to get as in depth as the other two, but hey cant have everything.

Dwight and the girls?! hahahahahaha. Brilliant.

Its perfect, absolutely perfect. A better comic book movie shall never be made.

See it.



"If I tell you I love you in return and youre lying to me i'm gonna fuckin die" -- True Romance

Well, small change was better than no change at least I got rid of the repugnant background blue. So, here we are now, entertain us.

Or something.




"An old man dies, a young woman lives... fair trade" -- Sin City

Well this is fucking shit. I havent touched this blog in a really long time but being as I have very little going on right now I thought maybe i'd kick start it back into action. What do I find?

Blogger have gone and fucking changed everything and now my old template, tweaked and tuned to fucking perfection, is now useless. Fucking useless. Thanks a fucking bunch. You really improved my blogger experience. Whats fucking worse is that the only template I actually liked thats now available is fucking impossible to tweak. I mean here and there yeah, but I dont want a fucking blue blog I want my old set of purples and soft violets back. But can I make it change? can I fuck.

Grrrrrr.

Welcome the fuck back, huh.